Today was yet another 6 mile run. For some reason, it was a tough one. Some days are great, but some are incredibly tough to get through. You’d think if running was a part of your life for a couple years now, each time would be easy, but it’s not. Today’s run was a frustrating one.
I felt “heavy” if that makes sense. Like it was hard to get my legs off the ground, one foot in front of the other. I didn’t have an abnormally heavy breakfast (but I did have an abnormally heavy dessert last night…).
Speaking of dessert, I’ve been eating a lot of lately. With each delicious treat comes serious food guilt. I know this is nonsense because overall, I eat pretty healthy so dessert once and a while won’t hurt. But that completely logical and true statement still doesn’t stop the guilt.
I actually came home today from my run and cried! When I told Cliff what was wrong, he looked at me like I was insane.
“You’re upset because you didn’t run 6 miles good enough? But you ran 6 miles….”
“Yes, I know…but I walked a couple times.” I guess that’s unacceptable?
I then went on to explain that I’ve been eating way too bad lately and need to work on my diet. I meant it too. He went on to say the things that husbands say…. “what are you talking about? You’re beautiful, etc.” Which I do appreciate.
But the overwhelming guilt I get from eating “bad” once in a while or not performing up to these crazy high standards I’ve set for myself still takes over. I literally cannot help those feelings or thoughts. I realize that the ability to run 6 miles (even with walks) is quite an accomplishment. I also realize I am not “fat” by any means….but the thoughts still exist.
I guess this post was sort of me semi-pouring my heart out (but not really…there’s more where that came from). It’s more just frustration with myself on why I feel the way I do.
On to today’s stats….
Marathon Training: Week 6
- Distance: 6.00 miles
- Time: 51:40 min/sec
- Pace: 8: 21 min/sec
- Calories: 393
It really wasn’t too bad. Maybe this was my body’s way of telling me it needs a break. Or maybe it was just not an exceptional run. Either way we’re going on our honeymoon to Thailand in 2 weeks so that’s all that matters :).
Do you feel guilty when you eat too much or eat “bad” foods? How do you control those feelings if you have them?