Alright, technically it’s a little over a quarter life, either way it’s a crisis! I know this is my first week back from our long trip (so maybe that’s why?) but my marathon motivation has severely subsided. I’ve attempted 4 runs since I’ve been back, all short 3 milers (one was 4). During each run, I slowed down to a walk multiple times. Frankly, I just didn’t want to run!
It’s not that the runs have been painful or hard on my body, I just didn’t want to do it! This has never happened before. Sure there are runs (like 16 miles for example) that I never want to run, but I always do. I had visions today that my motivation would come back and I would set out for my 16 mile run and all the good feelings of running would rush back.
Needless to say, that didn’t happen. I woke up at 7:30 with good intentions but didn’t roll out to run until 9:00. I wasn’t busy by any means, just didn’t want to go. Finally I left, but before leaving decided that I wasn’t near capable of running 16 miles today with the mindset I woke up in, so I set my sights for 4 miles. Just 4!
That didn’t happen either. I ended up running two. It’s like suddenly all my training disappeared. Never existed. My state of mind is so far from ass-kicking Boston qualifier, it’s getting pretty frustrating.
Besides my marathon training blues, I’ve also been rethinking some life choices (I know, today’s a pretty serious day). We’ve moved so many times in the past few years that every thought of a possible career has always been put on hold. My thoughts were always, “well what’s the point in finding a “real” job, we’re moving in 6 months anyway.”
I’m at the point now that I need to make a decision and go with it, whether we’re moving or not. I can’t keep putting my life and potential career on hold because we “might” be doing something. I feel like I’m going to wake up and be 40 still working as a hostess at a restaurant (not that there’s anything wrong with that…).
I suddenly got an overwhelming feeling of worthlessness today. The combination of marathon training (or lack thereof) and wondering what I’ve done with myself over the past few years has kept me busy with a lot to think about.
I guess the best thing to do at this point is thing objectively about what I want to do. Like my husband said, “Imagine if we were staying in Dallas for the next 30 years…what do you see yourself doing?” I need to forget about potentially moving, and make a decision about my life.
As far as marathon training is concerned, I’m not sure how to get re-motivated. I keep thinking it will just come back to me. Maybe I’ll watch “Spirit of the Marathon” again or continue reading “Born to Run,” maybe a new running outfit is necessary to motivate my buns. I don’t know…any suggestions?
Did you know what you wanted to do as a career out of college? Have you changed your career path? How did it go? How do you become and stay motivated if you’re signed up for a race?
I’m clearly in serious need of a motivational speaker. Maybe one like this?