Today was yet another 6 mile run. For some reason, it was a tough one. Some days are great, but some are incredibly tough to get through. You’d think if running was a part of your life for a couple years now, each time would be easy, but it’s not. Today’s run was a frustrating one.
I felt “heavy” if that makes sense. Like it was hard to get my legs off the ground, one foot in front of the other. I didn’t have an abnormally heavy breakfast (but I did have an abnormally heavy dessert last night…).
Speaking of dessert, I’ve been eating a lot of lately. With each delicious treat comes serious food guilt. I know this is nonsense because overall, I eat pretty healthy so dessert once and a while won’t hurt. But that completely logical and true statement still doesn’t stop the guilt.
I actually came home today from my run and cried! When I told Cliff what was wrong, he looked at me like I was insane.
“You’re upset because you didn’t run 6 miles good enough? But you ran 6 miles….”
“Yes, I know…but I walked a couple times.” I guess that’s unacceptable?
I then went on to explain that I’ve been eating way too bad lately and need to work on my diet. I meant it too. He went on to say the things that husbands say…. “what are you talking about? You’re beautiful, etc.” Which I do appreciate.
But the overwhelming guilt I get from eating “bad” once in a while or not performing up to these crazy high standards I’ve set for myself still takes over. I literally cannot help those feelings or thoughts. I realize that the ability to run 6 miles (even with walks) is quite an accomplishment. I also realize I am not “fat” by any means….but the thoughts still exist.
I guess this post was sort of me semi-pouring my heart out (but not really…there’s more where that came from). It’s more just frustration with myself on why I feel the way I do.
On to today’s stats….
Marathon Training: Week 6
- Distance: 6.00 miles
- Time: 51:40 min/sec
- Pace: 8: 21 min/sec
- Calories: 393
It really wasn’t too bad. Maybe this was my body’s way of telling me it needs a break. Or maybe it was just not an exceptional run. Either way we’re going on our honeymoon to Thailand in 2 weeks so that’s all that matters :).
Do you feel guilty when you eat too much or eat “bad” foods? How do you control those feelings if you have them?
I’m actually going through almost that exact same thing this week…the last two weekends I went a little overboard with the treats and have been feeling really down on myself. Today I came to the conclusion that feeling bad about it isn’t going to solve anything…If I’m experiencing food guilt because I think I’m indulging too much…then maybe the thing to do is cut back on the weekend treats.
Also, sorry about the run…those kind are the worst. You come home almost feeling like you didn’t even work out…even though you just worked your butt off.
i know! its funny its like i know these things: nothing you can do about it except change your eating habits, don’t beat yourself up, etc. but I guess it’s easier said then done haha. yeah all you can really do is change if its eating at you too much.
thanks for the comment, i appreciate it! by the way, i love the shirt on your blog that says ‘if i collapse, pause my garmin’ that is awesome!
ahhh, guilt! I think it’s one we all know too well unfortunately. I used to have the same struggles as you and for me it would usually trigger a whole spiral of “bad” indulgences and then more guilt. Recently though my thinking has started to shift and I’ve been able to let go of a lot of that because ultimately it’s self defeating and doesn’t really help. Believe me, it’s been a lot of constant work to change the self talk and it still is, but I’m so much more content and satisfied in life without the guilt, so it’s worth the work! I have been “beating myself up” over these bumps in the road to optimal health since I first started caring about this stuff as a teenager. Now in my thirties, I’ve finally figured out that it’s not worth the stress. I am learning to let go of the “judgment” of these things. A good run/a bad run, a strong yoga pose/a weak one, etc. It is what it is and the beauty is in just showing up and being present…whether that’s over a piece (or 2) of delicious chocolate cake or an amazing nourishing salad of greens. If your run was fabulous or mediocre, it’s all good. Okay, obviously lots of “yoga talk” coming out here, haha! I just wish I had figured out this perspective sooner and spent more of my years embracing my successes rather than obsessing over perceived “failures”.
thank you so much for the comment, I really appreciate it. It’s sort of nice to know that I’m not the only one who feels like this. It’s like a constant struggle with yourself: one side beats you up and one stands up for you (at least that’s how my crazy mind works haha). I just need to keep in mind there are more important things in life. Eating cake sometimes is totally worth it-I wouldn’t want a life that didn’t involve insanely good food! I guess I just need to learn to relax about it more and know that tomorrow’s a new day with new food choices.
Thanks again for the comment!
Amy – you’re welcome for the comment (it’s the first time I’ve ever felt compelled to reply to a blog post btw) and now I JUST realized that your friend Tracie you mentioned in your other post is also my friend Tracie (I live in Boston)! I was just texting with her a few minutes ago and she was telling me about her trip to Dallas…then I read your other post mentioning Tracie, vegan, etc…and I realized I discovered your blog from her facebook page and it all came together. Too funny! 🙂
i just talked to her! that is sooo funny! im glad her facebook page is bringing people here! haha
I have those runs, too! Last Friday I was struggling to get through a 4 mile run when 3 days before I knocked out 8 with no problem. It’s just the nature of running, in my opinion, and although it’s easy to get down about it, I’ve learned that having those negative thoughts is not beneficial or productive. As far as food guilt, I’ve been there. Very rarely anymore, but I’ve written a lot on the blog in my “Flashback Friday” posts about my past with disordered eating, which included a lot of guilt. I think it’s awesome that you posted this – for yourself and so others can read it and relate. It’s very common! Listen to Cliff – he’s right. 🙂
I definitely went way overboard this weekend with the treats. But I don’t tend to get on myself for it (maybe if I wasn’t exercising, I would). I just think, tomorrow, I will be better.
As I just started with running, I have those runs, every day! Its getting a little easier but for the most part, its still really tough!