Alright, technically it’s a little over a quarter life, either way it’s a crisis! I know this is my first week back from our long trip (so maybe that’s why?) but my marathon motivation has severely subsided. I’ve attempted 4 runs since I’ve been back, all short 3 milers (one was 4). During each run, I slowed down to a walk multiple times. Frankly, I just didn’t want to run!
It’s not that the runs have been painful or hard on my body, I just didn’t want to do it! This has never happened before. Sure there are runs (like 16 miles for example) that I never want to run, but I always do. I had visions today that my motivation would come back and I would set out for my 16 mile run and all the good feelings of running would rush back.
Needless to say, that didn’t happen. I woke up at 7:30 with good intentions but didn’t roll out to run until 9:00. I wasn’t busy by any means, just didn’t want to go. Finally I left, but before leaving decided that I wasn’t near capable of running 16 miles today with the mindset I woke up in, so I set my sights for 4 miles. Just 4!
That didn’t happen either. I ended up running two. It’s like suddenly all my training disappeared. Never existed. My state of mind is so far from ass-kicking Boston qualifier, it’s getting pretty frustrating.
Besides my marathon training blues, I’ve also been rethinking some life choices (I know, today’s a pretty serious day). We’ve moved so many times in the past few years that every thought of a possible career has always been put on hold. My thoughts were always, “well what’s the point in finding a “real” job, we’re moving in 6 months anyway.”
I’m at the point now that I need to make a decision and go with it, whether we’re moving or not. I can’t keep putting my life and potential career on hold because we “might” be doing something. I feel like I’m going to wake up and be 40 still working as a hostess at a restaurant (not that there’s anything wrong with that…).
I suddenly got an overwhelming feeling of worthlessness today. The combination of marathon training (or lack thereof) and wondering what I’ve done with myself over the past few years has kept me busy with a lot to think about.
I guess the best thing to do at this point is thing objectively about what I want to do. Like my husband said, “Imagine if we were staying in Dallas for the next 30 years…what do you see yourself doing?” I need to forget about potentially moving, and make a decision about my life.
As far as marathon training is concerned, I’m not sure how to get re-motivated. I keep thinking it will just come back to me. Maybe I’ll watch “Spirit of the Marathon” again or continue reading “Born to Run,” maybe a new running outfit is necessary to motivate my buns. I don’t know…any suggestions?
Did you know what you wanted to do as a career out of college? Have you changed your career path? How did it go? How do you become and stay motivated if you’re signed up for a race?
I’m clearly in serious need of a motivational speaker. Maybe one like this?
Caree @ Fit-Mama says
I am sorry you are going through this. I don’t have any answers for you but just some words of wisdom. I too have many times where I feel like I am questioning what I am doing and why am I doing it. Or the motivation is just not there to do it. I think that is just life and we as humans change very often and I would just take the changes and try something new. Maybe don’t push yourself right now to do a marathon. Maybe you need a change of some sort. If you like working out, maybe find something else like a class (body pump) or yoga? Take some time to find yourself again…and then when running comes back naturally go with it. I know I can’t push myself to do something I really dread doing because I wouldn’t do it. I have actually just started getting into running and I am doing it because I want to. So you should do something that you want to. You shouldn’t look back and wish you would have done something. Or holding yourself back because of what might be in 6 months. Definitely go for your dream job, because whose to say what is definitely happening in the future. Sorry if that doesn’t make sense!
thank you so much for the comment. i appreciate you sharing your experience! i think you made a good point of trying something else and just laying off the running for a little. I think I’ll try that, maybe some yoga to relax? hah. thanks again for the comment..and yes it totally made sense!
Oh, Amy! We really should get together sometime and just chat (or run! haha), because I’ve experienced just about every thought and emotion you’re describing in this post. I’m going to email you or else I’ll take up your entire comment section. 🙂
I totally totally understand how you feel.
As for a career plan…ha. I graduated college with a degree in Art History and was CONVINCED this would be my career. After a year working at museum, I decided it wasn’t more me. Then I went to culinary school. After working in a restaurant + bakery I decided that I didn’t want to work in a professional kitchen. I’m a year+ out of culinary school now and sort of flailing. I’ve been applying to a million jobs in DC, but nothing is working out. There are times when I’m disappointed with myself for not “figuring it out” already. But I try to tell myself at least I’m not settling for a job that I don’t love.
Long story short, I got an offer for a job in Dallas and I’m going to take it. Not my ideal situation since my boyfriend is up in DC, but it’s time I make a change!
haha, sorry to write an essay in your comments section. Clearly your post resonated with me 🙂
thanks for the reply! yeah, you’re story definitely sounds similar to mine. as im sure you know, it can be very frustrating. its okay some days but others im like, oh my god im 27 and what have i done with my life? hah…whatever i guess ill figure it out. im working on it! like always :).
what’s the job in dallas? i actually live in dallas so yay the big d! but thats tough with having a long distance bf…but you can do it! congrats on finding a job at least!! thats awesome!
yep, totally understand the “i’m working on it” attitude! that’s where i am! I think that’s really the best attitude you can have. At least you’re not resigned to be where you are now
I’ve got an offer to work in Marketing Communications (aka social media) for a small insurance firm in Dallas. I grew up in Dallas, so I know the city well. I just never ever in a million years expected to move back there. It’s not that I hated it growing up, but I always expected more of myself. I dunno. Probably a snotty attitude. But I’m trying to embrace the thought of Dallas as an adult! I’m sure it’s not the same as it was when I was 17! …right?? lol