I had so many cute outfits picked out for when I was home a couple weeks ago. Since I was headed to Arizona, laying out by the pool was definitely on the agenda so I also packed a bikini. Ready to impress my friends with my killer style, I threw on my first outfit of the trip. It was a tan, pencil mini-skirt with a loose fitting black tank top. In my mind, it looked really cute together. I think in real life, it had a lot of potential except for the fact that the skirt felt uncomfortably tight.
I thought that was a little strange considering just a few months ago, I wore this skirt all the time to work and it fit just fine. Since it was too tight, I tossed it aside, forgot about it, and moved on to the next outfit. This time I was trying white capri pants with the same black tank top. It would have looked great with these mega black heels except the pants were too tight.
Okay, now I was in somewhat of a panic mode. Why are none of my clothes fitting? They all must have shrank in the dryer…it’s just a weird coincidence. I’m sure it has nothing to do with my weight…
I wanted to lay by the pool as soon as possible so the day after I got there, I threw my bikini on and ran outside. First thing I noticed was, “Wow, my boobs look huge!” That’s never a bad thing, so I moved on. While I was moving on (literally walking outside), I experienced the not-so-great feeling of my thighs rubbing together. Don’t get me wrong, my thighs touch, they always have, but I’ve never noticed it much before. Maybe it was the heat?
Or maybe I’ve just gained a couple lb.’s.
We all have our happy weight. The weight we feel comfortable, confident, and good at. I am by no means saying I’m fat (I’m really not looking for attention here…just being honest), but I have gained some weight and I don’t feel good about it. It’s really hard to get yourself out of that negative mindset if you’ve gained weight. You (by you, I mean me) just feel bad about. Not sexy, not attractive, just overall not good. Luckily, I have a husband who disagrees with me so it lifts my spirits…but only temporarily. The negative voices (er, I mean voice) in my head are overpowering and usually take me down.
I went to the gym today and just felt fat. My shorts felt tight…they rode up my thighs…it was unbearably hot and humid outside (which doesn’t help the situation) so things were not looking up. Until I started to try and think rationally about this “situation” and keep emotions out.
I am in control of my body. If I continue to feed it crap, I’m probably going to gain weight and feel terrible. If I feel so terrible now (which I kind of do) then I need to take control of myself and eat better. No one is forcing me to eat cookies or carbs all day long. It’s definitely easier said than done, at least for me. But ultimately, I’m the only person who can help or hurt the situation, so I’m going to do so.
I’m trying to take it day by day. Just concentrate on healthy, fresh foods each day. I recently got a job at a bakery so that clearly won’t help, but like I said, I’m in control of what I eat, I don’t need pastry’s and cookies. Since it’s summer time, there are tons of fruits and veggies at my disposal so hopefully this shouldn’t be a problem! I’ll try to concentrate on fresh foods I like and incorporate them more in my diet. For example, I am loving chickpeas, olives, cucumbers, avocados, feta and balsamic vinegar lately, so I’ll eat it more! I’m calling it a salad without the lettuce. I don’t need lettuce to eat healthy if that’s not what I like!
I’ll also try to stick to making smoothies at home instead of buying them. They’re usually just as good and most likely less caloric.
Since you don’t drop weight by just thinking about it (unfortunately) somehow I need to keep myself motivated. Maybe a new workout outfit?
Okay, probably not Lululemon but the next best thing…Target!
Or maybe just a low cut dress that shows off my big boobs while I still have them…? 🙂
That oughta do it! 🙂
Are you at your happy weight? Is it a struggle to stay there?
Wow. You just expressed exactly how I’ve been feeling lately. I got back from a 3 week vacation (2 different trips) and that’s exactly how I felt.
I’m still struggling with it but I know it’s the little changes that will matter in the long run.
Actually, I’m 90% happy with my weight right now. Last year (oddly enough, training for my 2nd half marathon) I was at my heaviest and now, I’ve lost 10 pounds of that weight so I feel good and healthy. Not perfect, though 🙂 darn bread! I say I’m 90% happy because most of the time during the week my weight is a good number but it does fluctuate 2-3 pounds here and there. Is that normal? But what you wrote here – “I am in control of my body. If I continue to feed it crap, I’m probably going to gain weight and feel terrible. If I feel so terrible now (which I kind of do) then I need to take control of myself and eat better. No one is forcing me to eat cookies or carbs all day long. It’s definitely easier said than done, at least for me. But ultimately, I’m the only person who can help or hurt the situation, so I’m going to do so.” – I LOVE this. Thank you for this reminder, friend!
I am right there with you lady! I feel like I was at my happy weight a few weeks ago but then eating cookies, candy, cake, sweets galore pretty much messed that up. I know that I chose to eat those things and I need to stop! I am now taking it day by day with whole, healthy eats and ditching the sweets!
I can tell you as your mother-in-law you are far from fat and unlikely to ever be. I love you and also your spirit. Bakery job sounds great, maybe I’ll come visit so I can get some samples.
Thanks Jill 🙂 I know I’m not fat and didn’t mean to come across like I think I am…I’m just not feelin’ so great these days. I probably just need pants that fit properly…and maybe not a job at a bakery 🙂
thats such an unnatural feeling, I know. But I think you gotta do what feels best and healthy, for the mind and the body. More yoga, more water, more love. right?
🙂
I love your honesty in this post! I hope it felt therapeutic to write it and get the thoughts out of your head. I think every woman I know, including myself of course, has been in a position of gaining and losing weight. I think you have to just take it day to day and make healthy decisions for yourself without obsessing or over-thinking (which I know I’ve done). Remember to be kind to yourself! And listen to what your husband says. 🙂
Thank you for sharing this and being so honest. I know we all feel like this sometimes and it’s nice to hear it from others too. I’m a few lbs away from what I’d like to be but maybe this is my happy weight since I feel pretty good. And I think you should get the dress! 😉
a new workout outfit always inspires me!! Target had some really cute shorts/shirts for working out when I went there recently and I love their sports bras! I totally understand how you feel in this post and as someone who recently lost some of that “extra” weight I still have to motivate myself to not let it slip back sometimes!
~Jenn
I’ve had those feelings for sure. I think you’re doing the best thing possible by trying to make healthy food swaps and new workout clothes always motivate me! 🙂
Aww! I can pretty much gaurantee we’ve ALL been there – when we realize we might not quite be in our happy weight zone anymore. It is such a bad feeling and so hard to pull yourself out of sometimes. But you seem to be doing a really good job of it – focusing on the positive, not harping on the fact that you aren’t feeling 100% “you” right now. And I love that your husband disagrees with you – makes such a difference doesn’t it? Hang in there – and always remember, you are beautiful and strong and fit, always!!
Can I just say your MIL’s comment is adorable?
I love your attitude – that you’re in control and taking it 1-day at a time – that’s the way to do it. As someone who has run marathons (something I will neverrrr do!) I have no doubt you’ll get back to where you want to be! 🙂 Listen to your hubby – he’s right!
Definitely buy the Herve! It’s an investment piece right? 😉
Amy- maybe it is all just rebound post marathon? or not being super happy in the cleve. Anywho, I feel this way almost every day of my life. But exercise always helps. humidity always makes it worse ( having your clothes stick to you- UGH)
You are beautiful and you are amazing. Call me if you need any motivation…